Countdown Till Beginning Of Life

I am a wife, trying to conceive. Been married for almost two years. The only thing i ever wanted, my biggest dream; is to be a mother. Sometimes this blog is very sad, sometimes it's hopeful and happy! This is my journey and countdown till beginning of life.

I really hate the smell of blood. Lucky now i’m gonna have it for a week

Nothing is new… Happy we are moving tommorow, so i have been very busy lately. Hope the new home will bring us some gooe luck.

Yeah so… i live in Israel. Don’t know if you heard, but the situation here right now is pretty bad. Even though it would have been a much welcomed surprise to find out we are expecting. It’s hard to really focus on ttc when you have alarms go off every other day. When you’re hoping not to get hit by a missile it’s hard to care about anything else…

Tomorrow is my birthday, I’m turning 22. Maybe that’s another year that went by without baby. But maybe i’m another year closer to getting my baby :)

Even though it’s been almost 22 cycles for us i am feeling now much better than i felt a year ago. The thing that keeps me calm, motivated, understanding and hopeful is honestly my faith in god. If i didn’t have that, i don’t know how i would deal with this process. If getting pregnant was dependent only on us who knows if it would ever have happened and if i would have stayed sane at all… I know it is in god’s hands and that i have to trust him and know that everything that is happening to me is for a reason. The moment i started to actually realize it everything became so much easier. Yes, it does still upsets me when i get my period and another month doesn’t workout, but now, it’s a world of a deference. I get over it in a day and i get back to being happy. It’s so much easier to go through this story knowing that there’s someone watching over me. I’m not forgotten. A friend of mine (who waited not less then 7 years for her first child, and btw now has 7) told me: look around, you’ll have all of this, and you won’t even remember how it was before. And i honestly believe that, those 2, 3, 4, years you waited for your first baby will seem like nothing once he will come. It will be in the far past and you will be so busy taking care of all your children. Cheer up future mommies!

I am 6 days late. I was actually feeling quite a lot of things last week, but now it’s all gone. Guess i should mark cycle 22. I know it’s not a positive attitude but sometimes you can’t help but feel pessimistic…

Cycle 21 yay! Who has more than me?

I was coming home from a day at the beach with my best friend when we met an old friend of mine from school.She got married ten months ago, i was there. I was totally shocked (to say the least) when i looked down and saw her big pregnant belly! I had no words and it took me a few seconds┬áto say congratulations, with my biggest smile. She looked completely miserable, she’s do in three weeks (!) and is terrified about it. i tried to cheer her up and said that she only has to go through labor once and she’ll have the joy of a child for life. It didn’t seem to help much…

I wished her the best of luck and health and promised to myself to (almost) never complain when i’ll be pregnant.

Sometimes i wonder if (when) i’ll be pregnant, will people here, on tumblr be happy for me? I know i’m always happy to see someone get their bfp, even if it makes me sad, i’m more happy to see someones dream come true.

TMI

I had the weirdest month! After thinking i missed on my ovulation time (from being so so sick an entire week) and having no symptoms AT AL, i didn’t even think there’s a chance i’m pregnant. But then, a week before i was supposed to get my period i got this light pinkish spotting on and off for a couple of days. Even though I NEVER get it early, i thought it’s just a crazy cycle and it started in this super weird way. But then it stopped. So… i thought it maybe, possibly, be implantation bleeding? But then just on the dot i got my normal period… Really thought this may be it.

I have the worst luck in the world! The day i started to ovulate i got sick. And i’m talking SICK. My throat hurts like crazy, so much that to drink a glass of water brings me to tears (poor huby). I was in bed for 3 days, barley recovering now. pretty sure we missed any chance we had to conceive. I’m miserable :(