Countdown Till Beginning Of Life

This is probably the most egocentric blog there is (but then again, which one isn't?)
It is all about me and my dream.
More then anything i want to become a mother. I believe that bringing a HUMAN is the most powerful and amazing thing you can ever achieve.
So if you are too trying to bring a baby into our world, or just interested in this process, follow me on this journey!

I have the worst luck in the world! The day i started to ovulate i got sick. And i’m talking SICK. My throat hurts like crazy, so much that to drink a glass of water brings me to tears (poor huby). I was in bed for 3 days, barley recovering now. pretty sure we missed any chance we had to conceive. I’m miserable :(

When i’m pregnant this is how i want to look

When i’m pregnant this is how i want to look

My sister in law is getting an ivf, (very long story why it is necessary for them) After quite a long time, it’s supposed to be next week. And i feel like such a horrible person! Because every time i heard the surgery is pushed back for another month of testing, i feel such a huge relief. I am dreading her pregnancy soooo much. She barely can handle having one, 2 year old, i have no idea how she’ll manage two of them… and obviously she’ll need my help. (which means coming there every week) Shouldn’t i be happy for her? yes! Shouldn’t i be supportive of a woman who wants a child? Especially after knowing how hard it is? yes! But i can’t. Every time i imagine seeing her pregnant and hearing her complain how hard it is to be pregnant AND having a child, it makes me want to cry. Now i just avoid her, literally all the time, (with our relationship not being the best to begin with) this sucks so bad…

This is unbelievable, every day  i go to check my email at yahoo, and i see another celebrity who’s pregnant. Why would’t they be, the whole world is.

So i know this month we are defiantly not pregnant, because we couldn’t even be together when i was ovulating. i’m supposed to be sad about it, but i’m honestly not. I’m just happy i can see my husband on the weekend and hug him. For some reason i have a good feeling. Maybe it’s stupid but who cares :)

I can’t wait!

I can’t wait!

Anonymous asked: Though I'm personally not going to have kids, and pregnancy scares me to the point where I had an abortion and later on I had a miscarriage.... I really hope you do have a baby :D You sound like you would be an amazing mother!! Good luck!!♥

Thank you so much! You made my day :) I hope your dreams will come true as well!

Tonight my husband and i are going to this wine tasting event-thing. The whole night is about (obviously) drinking wine, and eating fancy cheese and sushi. I figured that if i’m pregnant i shouldn’t go, that meant i had to test, which i absolutely didn’t want to do. I haven’t tested for about 5 months now and i KNEW it will come out negative… and it did. After this long iv’e gotten used to it. But this one felt like a punch. And it sucks.

Hopefully soon it will work out and i’ll finally see it was ALL worth it.

So… nothing has changed. Still not pregnant, still no idea why. It’s our.. 17th? month now. I know many people have waited for three, five, TEN years for a baby, but i can’t imagine waiting that long! 

It got easier for a while but now it really hurts again. I don’t even hope for it to happen. I stopped taking P.tests a looong time ago. I used to post a lot of pregnancy photos, now it kinda hurts to even look at them .

The second i let go my life felt so much better. I am living for me and my husband and not for a pregnancy test. I just accepted the idea that i can’t control this part of my life and you know what? It’s OK!

I’m happy and i try to surround myself with things that make me feel good, Like music, drawing and writing. And i don’t do pregnancy tests anymore. I  expect my life to continue so i’m never surprised. And i’m not feeling like our relationship depends on a pregnancy test. And seeing my period begin feels so much easier when i accept it with love. Honest, try it…

It’s ovulation week for me. And honestly, the last month was not even bad. I don’t want to feel guilty for not suffering… I believe and know that when the time is right we will have our baby. It does not mean that i have to be sad while i wait

I’m stupid. I should have known i wasn’t pregnant (fooled me with almost a 2 week late) I didn’t have a single symptom and i knew my ovulation was waay off… now i’m a bleeding sad girl (well…wife)